When I set out to write TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I wanted to authentically portray the debilitating IBS I’ve experienced since I was a kid. In exploring that pain, I discovered just how repetitive it is. Although my symptoms are erratic and change day to day, my experiences repeat: I’m stuck in bed, then on the toilet, then at the doctor’s. I’m begging to be listened to by said doctors and finding myself ignored, ignored, ignored.
Thanks to that realization, the Groundhog Day-esque time loop of August 6th was born. Through Phoebe (the book’s protagonist) and her never ending day, I was able to reflect how it feels when you live life on a loop because of a chronic illness. Naturally, I found myself gravitating toward telling her story through the lens of romance, what it means to be seen and loved wholly. That’s how Phoebe’s childhood crush ended up stuck in the time loop beside her.
People tend to view IBS as something embarrassing, something we should hide from our loved ones. At the beginning of her journey, Phoebe does too. But there’s intimacy in letting yourself be cared for and accommodated. There’s intimacy in the friend who looks up where the bathrooms are before planning a night on the town. There’s intimacy in the lover who unclogs a toilet for you when you don’t have the strength to. Really, there is, I don’t care how “gross” it sounds.
If you pick up TIME AND TIME AGAIN, I hope its pages show you that you deserve to be heard and loved. Unlike poor Phoebe, we have a tomorrow to reckon with—and we all know how quickly one day follows the next. Life’s too short to convince yourself you’re not worthy of respect. Writing this story reminded me of that. I hope reading it does the same for you.
