If ‘art is a mirror held up to nature’, then I have spent a lot of my life searching for my reflection and finding very little. While books have always been what I turned to for comfort and escapism – to see the world through other lenses – I have also been left feeling a little like a ghost, desperately ripping down dust-sheets but seeing nothing. And so the conviction that I was alone, and possibly ‘broken’, became more pronounced with every page I turned.
When I was diagnosed as autistic in my late 30s, that belief began to shift. I am simply wired differently, and – as the shame slowly melted away – my attention turned back to the page. If I had failed to find many women like me in books, perhaps I could write one. Thus Cassie was born. Like me, she would struggle with human connection and communication; she would find relationships difficult, emotions confusing and her environment sensorily overwhelming. Like me, she would be considered ‘weird’ and frequently ‘unlikeable’ and would struggle to find her place in a world that held her permanently at arms’ length.
But I didn’t want to write an ‘issues’ book. I wanted to write a joyful, fun story, albeit one with a slightly less usual protagonist. At its heart, this book is about what we all experience: a basic human desire to connect with the people around us, and ultimately to ourselves. Cassie uses time travel – in a very autistic way, looping, repeating, hyper-focusing – to do what we’ve all found ourselves wishing we could do at some point: undo our mistakes, rewrite our histories and edit our own lives. She may do it in a slightly unconventional way, but the search for love is universal. And this is what Cassandra In Reverse has always been about: love, in all its different forms. Love for each other, as humans, despite our differences.
We deserve books that reflect us all, and with Cassie I found a way to rip down the dust-sheet. Whether you’re autistic or not, this is a story that ultimately encourages you to be yourself and celebrate the beauty in our individuality.
None of us are truly alone.
